How To Learn To Accept Yourself

It’s time to take a good look in the mirror and get comfortable with ourselves, flaws and all. It’s high time we turn weaknesses into strengths and go full steam ahead with our goals and dreams.

  • 4
  • 2
  • 1
  • 1
  •  
  •  
  •  

Everybody has Flaws. There is not a single person on this planet that is flawless, no matter how much they think otherwise. The key with flaws is owning them, accepting them and using them to our advantage. But how? Especially when we are our own worst critics. Furthermore, we are conditioned to believe everyone else is looking at our flaws with a magnifying glass.

We should embrace the blemishes and imperfections and find ways to put them to work. Think it’s impossible? It wasn’t impossible for Sylvester Stallone to achieve an incredibly long and lucrative acting career when he was told he would never make it because of his slurred speech.

Nor wasn’t impossible for Arnold Schwartzenegger when he was told his accent was too thick. Albert Einstein was a flunky, Charles Darwin wasn’t smart enough, Marilyn Monroe was too heavy, Michael Jordan didn’t have enough talent; the list goes on.

So why are we still wasting time persecuting ourselves for things we deem inadequate instead of celebrating our differences?

It’s time to take a good look in the mirror and get comfortable with ourselves, flaws and all. It’s high time we turn weaknesses into strengths and go full steam ahead with our goals and dreams.

And here’s how you can get it done:

Subjective Identification

The first step in any process is to directly identify the problem. Or what we deem as the problem, flaw, blemish, or weakness. Get up close and personal with yourself. What is really bothering you about yourself?

Is it a part of your character or a physical nature? Exactly what about this part of you is bothersome? Does it make you feel self-conscious, less beautiful, more noticeable, ashamed, embarrassed? Define it with a feeling, an emotion. Be truthful with yourself about it. It’s okay to be vulnerable; this is just you and yourself, having a heart to heart.

Objective Analysis

Now look at the flaw from an objective point of view. Taking a different vantage point often lightens the load a bit. It’s not as enormous as it felt before because we are looking from the outside in instead of from an emotional standpoint.

If you were an alien looking down at yourself, would you consider this as a flaw or a distinct identifier? An obscene wart or a notable peculiarity? Something atrocious or something that makes you stand out from the crowd?

Does this thing or emotion or characteristic stop you from being you or enhance who you are and who you want to be? It is limiting you in any form or fashion? And if it is, what can you do about it?

More importantly, are you willing to do anything about it? Be real with yourself. You’ve got to be brutally honest and decide who really has the power; you or what you consider the anomaly.

Reframe & Reassign

Everybody has quirks. There is something “different” about every human on this planet. We aren’t Stepford Wives with robotic, predictable programming. What a bland world it would be! Instead, we all have a distinct set of characteristics with boundless capabilities!

When you’ve successfully subjectively identified and objectively analyzed whatever is irking you, it’s time to reframe it and figure out how this singular thing can be utilized in a positive manner.

This is obviously causing distress, so the most advantageous way of flipping it around is by making it useful. Remove the negative power and replace it with positive.

Embrace Your Power

You have the power to change more than just your own perception of this imperfection. It doesn’t mean you have to be a national spokesperson for folks with stretchmarks or a world-renowned advocate for mental health challenges, but you can!

And if that’s a bigger bite than you’d like to take, just know that your stand on differences and uniqueness can be just what the next person fighting the same battle needs to stand on their own. Admiring the beauty of differences in others goes a long way.

Be the change, not the adverse effect. Point out the positive and watch the cycle ripple. Positivity is contagious, but so is negativity; so be careful which light you shine, on yourself and others.

Being flawless is an impossible feat and a complete waste of time and energy. Those resources would be much better spent on learning how to love yourself and truly accept how incredible you are!

And what an influential part you play in how others’ may perceive their own imperfections. Sometimes it’s hard to be the voice, but you don’t have to be loud to be heard. And you certainly don’t have to be perfect to love yourself!

How To Build Social Confidence

Building social confidence is a process, but it’s possible and probably easier than you think!

If you’ve ever been in the presence of someone truly confident, it’s almost as if self-assurance is oozing from their pores and they remain unshaken no matter the circumstances.

Apprehension and intimidation don’t seem to even register on the socially confident person’s radar. They just are. And others flock around them in awe of their calm, cool and collected composure while at the center of attention.

And those who lack social confidence are typically standing back, away from the crowd, afraid they won’t fit in or be accepted should they attempt to be part of the “cool kids crowd”. It can be terrifying to a shy individual even contemplating interaction with those exuding social confidence with such ease.

There are so many hypothetical “what if’s” coupled with self-deprecating internal dialogue, it turns into just as much of a physical challenge as it is mental. It doesn’t have to be that way! Building social confidence is a process, but it’s possible and probably easier than you think!

Take a look at the following 5 steps to build social confidence.

Be a Better Version of You

This is what it’s all about; living the best possible life. If you are dissatisfied with something in your life, take action. Don’t just sit there and do nothing. In accepting the way things are, things you know you can change, you are basically telling yourself you aren’t worth putting in the effort to change and be better. And you are worth it!

Stop Comparing

Knock off the incessant comparisons to others. There will always be someone you feel is better than you in one way or another. Mary might have a wardrobe to die for, and Steve might be the most handsome person you’ve ever met.
So what! When you hold yourself to the standards of others’, you will never be truly happy in your own skin. You have to love you before anyone else will. That’s a huge factor in social confidence.

In fact, the performance or outer appearance of others shouldn’t even be used as a gauge. Keep striving to reach your goals until you are satisfied with the results. If you want a better wardrobe, work on it.

And don’t use money, or the lack thereof, as an excuse. There are entirely too many resources available now to purchase high-end items without breaking the bank.

Speaking of Excuses…

Excuses are shackles with which we bound ourselves. Excuses are unrealized fears. Think about something you’ve recently made an excuse not to do, buy or even make a goal.
For instance, if there’s a pair of shoes you’d love to have but made the excuse not to buy as the budget doesn’t allow it – did you shut the idea down immediately and “restrict” yourself from the shoes? You will never have the shoes because you didn’t even give it another thought.

Here’s the deal: If you really want something, you’ll make a way to make it happen. Find what’s going to make you happy from the inside out and do it. Don’t make excuses and set up limitations on your happiness. Happy people are confident people!

Ditch the Filters

We filter our photos, conversations, actions… basically everything. Pull back on the filtering a little bit and take a chance on being vulnerable. Let someone know what you are truly thinking or how you are really feeling.

Don’t turn the selfie you just took into a grayscale enhancement because you’re afraid the world will see a wrinkle or the bags under your eyes.
Let people see the real you, underneath all the filters. The person they want to get to know and spend time with. The socially confident person is vulnerable. It sounds insanely opposite, but it’s the truth.

They are confident enough to know that they aren’t everyone’s type, and everyone isn’t going to instantly befriend them. They are strong enough to shine through the chaos and negativity and surround themselves with the true gems they did find that like them for who they are, blemishes and all.

Exposure is Therapy

A common practice for therapists treating people with phobias is called exposure therapy. They are urged to take baby steps and go a little further each time with their phobias until it feels okay. Until it feels safe.

Exposure is extremely hard for some of us because we waste too much time being concerned with what other’s think of us. The more you test the waters, the easier it gets, thus the more confident you become.

See! Those steps aren’t that hard, right? It takes some effort, follow through and determination, but mostly it requires you being confident in yourself, not in what you think is the perception of others. Building social confidence starts on the inside and works its way out.