Stop Blaming Yourself For Past Mistakes

Stop Blaming Yourself for Past Mistakes

At times we can be so critical of ourselves and the things we’ve done in the past. The feeling of failure is like a heavy, smothering blanket of sorrow and regret. And instead of just “letting it go”, like so many people passively suggest, to get through it, feels like an impossible feat.

We wallow in yesterday’s mistakes and wonder how it’s so easy for others to just move on like nothing ever happened.

First of all, it’s not easy. Not for all of us. Some of us feel things on a different level and allow these emotions to control the days to come. Until we say enough is enough and learn how to effectively get from defeat to perseverance.

Below are a few helpful strategies to do just that!

You Are Not Your Mistakes

A single mistake, or even a series of mistakes, absolutely does not define who you are on the inside. The truth is, you are a collection of everything good and bad that has happened in your life, whether you had a hand in it or not.

The person you are right now has been conditioned by cultural surroundings, how you raised and the events that have transpired from birth to this very moment in time. Your mistakes in the past do not own you and do not deserve the power to control you.

So far, you’re batting a thousand. You’ve survived every single day of your life to this point. Mistakes do not define you. How you handle mistakes plays a bigger part than the mistake itself.

The Learning Curve of Life

We are but a work in progress. Today isn’t the end, and tomorrow probably won’t be either. The best thing we can do for ourselves and our mental health is to celebrate the wins and make room for the losses.

Treat life as a learning curve and give yourself a break. If perfection was even possible, how would one even achieve it without experience? There has to be downs to appreciate the ups, right?

Own It

We can’t just bury our heads in the sand and pretend a mistake didn’t happen. That’s not beneficial for anyone involved in the situation. And as hard as it may be, it’s better to own the mistake and use it as a tool rather than dwell on it or attempt to cover it up.

At work, go ahead and tell the boss man about the error and even ask for input on how to avoid this situation in the future. If there’s damage control to be done, take care of it and face the music. You’ll retain the respect of your boss and likely be admired by coworkers.

The same rule applies to intimate, family and parenting relationships. Accept responsibility and try to move forward as graciously as possible. Thankfully, the people closest to us don’t usually expect perfection and would gladly take sincerity and honesty over deception any day of the week.

Give Yourself the Gift of Forgiveness

To be human is to err. And you’ve undoubtedly been in a situation where someone asked for your forgiveness. Do yourself the biggest favor of all and forgive yourself. Sometimes we fall into the trap of holding ourselves to a higher standard than those around us, and that’s not fair.

It’s perfectly normal to strive for excellence, but perfection is a terrible misconception. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Learn from the experience and keep pushing to avoid making that same mistake again. Be your biggest ally, not your worst enemy.

Be Better Than Yesterday

Never stop investing in yourself. Sometimes we end up in a stagnant state or a standoff with ourselves. After a mistake we have an inner war going on with the person we despise and the person we want to be, the person we know we can be.

Don’t allow this negative thought process to put you in a stale-mate. Find ways to get better. To do better. Never stop learning and striving to attain your goals. Mistakes are going to happen. Failures are inevitable. But perseverance and positivity are much more powerful tools than tucking your tail and running for the hills.

Everybody makes mistakes. It’s part of life. When we learn to pick up the pieces and make something meaningful, something we are proud of, is when we have reached the ultimate level of personal development.

A level that cannot easily be shaken. A level that reframes what once was deemed a critical mistake into a minor setback. It’s all up to you. You and only you determine how much power you allow the past to have in your life and in your future!

How To Build Social Confidence

Building social confidence is a process, but it’s possible and probably easier than you think!

If you’ve ever been in the presence of someone truly confident, it’s almost as if self-assurance is oozing from their pores and they remain unshaken no matter the circumstances.

Apprehension and intimidation don’t seem to even register on the socially confident person’s radar. They just are. And others flock around them in awe of their calm, cool and collected composure while at the center of attention.

And those who lack social confidence are typically standing back, away from the crowd, afraid they won’t fit in or be accepted should they attempt to be part of the “cool kids crowd”. It can be terrifying to a shy individual even contemplating interaction with those exuding social confidence with such ease.

There are so many hypothetical “what if’s” coupled with self-deprecating internal dialogue, it turns into just as much of a physical challenge as it is mental. It doesn’t have to be that way! Building social confidence is a process, but it’s possible and probably easier than you think!

Take a look at the following 5 steps to build social confidence.

Be a Better Version of You

This is what it’s all about; living the best possible life. If you are dissatisfied with something in your life, take action. Don’t just sit there and do nothing. In accepting the way things are, things you know you can change, you are basically telling yourself you aren’t worth putting in the effort to change and be better. And you are worth it!

Stop Comparing

Knock off the incessant comparisons to others. There will always be someone you feel is better than you in one way or another. Mary might have a wardrobe to die for, and Steve might be the most handsome person you’ve ever met.
So what! When you hold yourself to the standards of others’, you will never be truly happy in your own skin. You have to love you before anyone else will. That’s a huge factor in social confidence.

In fact, the performance or outer appearance of others shouldn’t even be used as a gauge. Keep striving to reach your goals until you are satisfied with the results. If you want a better wardrobe, work on it.

And don’t use money, or the lack thereof, as an excuse. There are entirely too many resources available now to purchase high-end items without breaking the bank.

Speaking of Excuses…

Excuses are shackles with which we bound ourselves. Excuses are unrealized fears. Think about something you’ve recently made an excuse not to do, buy or even make a goal.
For instance, if there’s a pair of shoes you’d love to have but made the excuse not to buy as the budget doesn’t allow it – did you shut the idea down immediately and “restrict” yourself from the shoes? You will never have the shoes because you didn’t even give it another thought.

Here’s the deal: If you really want something, you’ll make a way to make it happen. Find what’s going to make you happy from the inside out and do it. Don’t make excuses and set up limitations on your happiness. Happy people are confident people!

Ditch the Filters

We filter our photos, conversations, actions… basically everything. Pull back on the filtering a little bit and take a chance on being vulnerable. Let someone know what you are truly thinking or how you are really feeling.

Don’t turn the selfie you just took into a grayscale enhancement because you’re afraid the world will see a wrinkle or the bags under your eyes.
Let people see the real you, underneath all the filters. The person they want to get to know and spend time with. The socially confident person is vulnerable. It sounds insanely opposite, but it’s the truth.

They are confident enough to know that they aren’t everyone’s type, and everyone isn’t going to instantly befriend them. They are strong enough to shine through the chaos and negativity and surround themselves with the true gems they did find that like them for who they are, blemishes and all.

Exposure is Therapy

A common practice for therapists treating people with phobias is called exposure therapy. They are urged to take baby steps and go a little further each time with their phobias until it feels okay. Until it feels safe.

Exposure is extremely hard for some of us because we waste too much time being concerned with what other’s think of us. The more you test the waters, the easier it gets, thus the more confident you become.

See! Those steps aren’t that hard, right? It takes some effort, follow through and determination, but mostly it requires you being confident in yourself, not in what you think is the perception of others. Building social confidence starts on the inside and works its way out.