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How To Build Social Confidence

Building social confidence is a process, but it’s possible and probably easier than you think!

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If you’ve ever been in the presence of someone truly confident, it’s almost as if self-assurance is oozing from their pores and they remain unshaken no matter the circumstances.

Apprehension and intimidation don’t seem to even register on the socially confident person’s radar. They just are. And others flock around them in awe of their calm, cool and collected composure while at the center of attention.

And those who lack social confidence are typically standing back, away from the crowd, afraid they won’t fit in or be accepted should they attempt to be part of the “cool kids crowd”. It can be terrifying to a shy individual even contemplating interaction with those exuding social confidence with such ease.

There are so many hypothetical “what if’s” coupled with self-deprecating internal dialogue, it turns into just as much of a physical challenge as it is mental. It doesn’t have to be that way! Building social confidence is a process, but it’s possible and probably easier than you think!

Take a look at the following 5 steps to build social confidence.

Be a Better Version of You

This is what it’s all about; living the best possible life. If you are dissatisfied with something in your life, take action. Don’t just sit there and do nothing. In accepting the way things are, things you know you can change, you are basically telling yourself you aren’t worth putting in the effort to change and be better. And you are worth it!

Stop Comparing

Knock off the incessant comparisons to others. There will always be someone you feel is better than you in one way or another. Mary might have a wardrobe to die for, and Steve might be the most handsome person you’ve ever met.
So what! When you hold yourself to the standards of others’, you will never be truly happy in your own skin. You have to love you before anyone else will. That’s a huge factor in social confidence.

In fact, the performance or outer appearance of others shouldn’t even be used as a gauge. Keep striving to reach your goals until you are satisfied with the results. If you want a better wardrobe, work on it.

And don’t use money, or the lack thereof, as an excuse. There are entirely too many resources available now to purchase high-end items without breaking the bank.

Speaking of Excuses…

Excuses are shackles with which we bound ourselves. Excuses are unrealized fears. Think about something you’ve recently made an excuse not to do, buy or even make a goal.
For instance, if there’s a pair of shoes you’d love to have but made the excuse not to buy as the budget doesn’t allow it – did you shut the idea down immediately and “restrict” yourself from the shoes? You will never have the shoes because you didn’t even give it another thought.

Here’s the deal: If you really want something, you’ll make a way to make it happen. Find what’s going to make you happy from the inside out and do it. Don’t make excuses and set up limitations on your happiness. Happy people are confident people!

Ditch the Filters

We filter our photos, conversations, actions… basically everything. Pull back on the filtering a little bit and take a chance on being vulnerable. Let someone know what you are truly thinking or how you are really feeling.

Don’t turn the selfie you just took into a grayscale enhancement because you’re afraid the world will see a wrinkle or the bags under your eyes.
Let people see the real you, underneath all the filters. The person they want to get to know and spend time with. The socially confident person is vulnerable. It sounds insanely opposite, but it’s the truth.

They are confident enough to know that they aren’t everyone’s type, and everyone isn’t going to instantly befriend them. They are strong enough to shine through the chaos and negativity and surround themselves with the true gems they did find that like them for who they are, blemishes and all.

Exposure is Therapy

A common practice for therapists treating people with phobias is called exposure therapy. They are urged to take baby steps and go a little further each time with their phobias until it feels okay. Until it feels safe.

Exposure is extremely hard for some of us because we waste too much time being concerned with what other’s think of us. The more you test the waters, the easier it gets, thus the more confident you become.

See! Those steps aren’t that hard, right? It takes some effort, follow through and determination, but mostly it requires you being confident in yourself, not in what you think is the perception of others. Building social confidence starts on the inside and works its way out.

Signs That You May be Overly Sensitive

Are you overly sensitive?

Being a sensitive person isn’t necessarily a bad thing. There are many instances in life which require us to be more in-tune to the feelings of others, a bit more sensitive and less calloused.

Having a nice balance between sensitivity and rationality is healthy. When our sensitive side is untamed and out of control it has the potential to do more harm than good.

Sensitivity gets its origin in both a genetic and environmental aspect. Some of us are genetically wired to be overly sensitive. When you couple that with coping mechanisms developed in early childhood, it could be a recipe for disaster if left untouched.

Are You Overly Sensitive?

It’s quite easy for someone on the outside to point out someone who might be overly sensitive, however, it’s much harder to recognize it in yourself. This is who you are! This is normal for you. Taking a personal inventory is often helpful, and necessary, as long as your answers are genuine.

To help you get started, take a look at the signs below in each of the three main areas of the overly sensitive: sensitivity of self, sensitivity about others and environmental sensitivity.

You might be overly sensitive of self if you:

” Often beat yourself up when you don’t meet your own expectations,
” Are terrified of rejection in any form,
” Get frequent physical symptoms like headaches, muscle tension and pain, upset stomach, etc.,
” Can’t quit processing negative thoughts and emotions,
” Form unhealthy eating and sleeping habits depending on what’s happening in your life,
” Get angry or highly annoyed with situations in your life you feel are unjust or unmerited.
You might be overly sensitive about others if you:
” Worry about what others think,
” Take things on a personal level even when clearly unintended,
” Feel others are often judgmental of you and your decisions,
” Often feel surrounded by “drama” and complain about it regularly,
” Inability to just “let it go” when faced with even small amounts of turbulence,
” Get offended and even angry with people providing constructive criticism.
You might be overly environmentally sensitive if you:
” Shy away from bright lights, loud noises and over-powering smells,
” Get irritated at other’s posts on social media sites,
” Are startled easily,
” Feel extreme anxiety when confronted with violence or fear-invoking situations, even on TV,
” Don’t feel comfortable in large groups,
” Get anxious or irritated when too many things are going on simultaneously.

If these signs and symptoms sound like what you’re dealing with, you are probably overly sensitive. Again, it’s not necessarily a bad thing. And it’s not the end of the world, though it may seem that way sometimes.

Dealing with Being Overly Sensitive

Because being over sensitive is both, genetic and conditioning, we can’t really just “stop” it. However, we can learn to minimize the effects by dealing with our emotions on a different level.

There isn’t one foolproof way that works for every single person, but if you give it some time and find the right combination of things, you are sure to find a much happier balance in your emotions and levels of sensitivity.

Are Your Insecurities Holding You Back?

Don't let your insecurities hold you back.

Confidence and Insecurity might as well be the “good angel” and “bad angel” sitting atop our shoulders governing every decision. In many of us there is a constant battle within to achieve our full potential and do great things with confidence which is somehow crippled by insecurities and self-doubt.

We end up letting the “bad angel” belittle us into believing the terrible lies and then feel even worse for doing nothing about it. Insecurities can be quite a beast to overcome. The first step is learning to recognize the beast. Then avoid falling victim to the exaggerated narratives seeping into your mind.

Sounds easy enough, right? It’s not. We are conditioned throughout life to believe these insecurities are as true as the sky is blue. From cultural conditioning to what we believe as other people’s opinions, we allow the insecurities to grow into an unruly, unrelenting monster.

Signs Insecurities Are Holding You Back

” Self-deprecating talk.
” Lack of confidence when making decisions.
” Focusing on the negative in situations.
” Overly critical of self.
” Expecting rejection.
” Problems standing up for yourself.
” Difficulty accepting compliments.
” Avoid taking risks.
” Care too much about what other people think.

If any of these signs sound familiar, it’s time to take back control of your life and stop allowing insecurities to hold you back. Think of all the missed opportunities and the accomplishments just waiting for your confidence to outweigh insecurity.

Overcome Insecurity

By practicing these few steps you’ll find yourself stronger, more confident and able to hit the mute button on the “bad angel”. The negative inner-dialogue pulling you into the rabbit hole despair won’t be nearly as powerful as you make greater and greater strides in the direction of self-assurance and self-worth.

The most important part is to remember that this process is about you, not the bystanders in your life. You are the only one with the power to create the life you want and deserve.

Identify: Because insecurity is habitual, sometimes it’s hard to identify. Think of the signs listed above as triggers. They start the whole process of doubt and despair. You have to identify the instances before you can take further action.

Objectify: Once you identify a moment when you’re feeling insecure and like you want to retreat into your shell, now is the time to stop the train and objectify the situation. Look at this from an outward and unemotional standpoint. A common mistake here is to think of what others may think instead of being truly objective.

Strengthen: Now you’ll want to build up your confidence by looking at past successes and reflecting on how you felt during that time. When you recall those emotions, you’re likely to move forward with achieving that same level of self-satisfaction and accomplishment.

Reassess: So, your confidence is boosted a bit and you’re ready to take this thing on, head first. Time to reassess the previous doubts and insecurities by asking yourself some questions.

¢ What’s the worst that could possibly happen?
¢ And if the worst thing does happen, who will that affect?
¢ How will I act if the worse thing that could happen actually happens?
¢ Will I have any regrets if I let my insecurities hold me back?

Oftentimes we allow our insecurities to have so much control, they trick us into believing things will turn out one way or another when in fact that’s probably the least likely thing to happen.

Reframe the insecurity by acknowledging the worst-case scenario and apply your new confidence in knowing it will probably never happen, but if it does, you’re ready to handle it.

Follow Through: And finally, you’re going to use positive self-talk and commit to making this insecurity disappear by following through with your plan. Steer clear of any negativity and keep pushing forward.

Don’t allow yourself to hide in the turtle shell. And even if it doesn’t turn out the way you dreamed, you got out there and showed insecurity who is boss! That’s a huge step!

You’ll find that each time you follow the steps above, your insecurities diminish and a newer, stronger, more self-assured version of you emerges. Insecurities don’t have to hold you back and you are the only one with the power to make it stop.

It gets easier over time as your confidence is slowly being restored, mostly because things usually never turn out as bad as we imagine they could.